Back to Work!

I started back to work last week and I survived!

It turns out that the anticipation of return to work was far more difficult that actually going to work. The last several weeks of maternity leave were challenging. I had the (false) notion that I had to get absolutely everything accomplished before getting back to work, whatever “everything” means. Somewhere within the dark recesses of my mind, “everything” encompassed a thorough cleaning and reorganization of the house, making sure all things were set up and rehearsed with our new nanny, and getting back into and on top of all of my pediatric reading. It also included figuring how exactly I would pump and store sufficient milk for my times away from the baby, and keep that going while at work. I was to accomplish all of this while cherishing every last moment of my time with Jack. During the last few days it occurred to me that I needed to cut myself a break, stop the madness, and just be.

I imagined myself back at work trying to pretend that I had never had a child. How could this be accomplished? I had pictured myself with four arms: one to hold the breast pump, one to hold the receiver on the phone, and two hands to type at the computer. This was literally the only way I could imagine keeping up my efficiency at work, and since there was no way to grow two arms, I lost sleep over it.

My question to Dr. Steele at Jack’s 2 month physical was “How do I do this?  What does it look like for me to be here and still take care of my child?” His answer was simply this: that the way I will be working going forward would not be like the way I had worked in the past; that once I get back to work, I should determine what I need, and the office would accommodate that. What a novel concept! It hadn’t even occurred to me that this was an option.

To successfully return to work, whether it is full or part-time, requires the support of family at home and colleagues and partners at work. My husband and I are lucky to have wonderful help of our nanny three days a week. Now that it has been two weeks, it is clear that I am lucky to have all of this and more: the families that come to the office know better than anyone what it is like to have children.

As much as I love Jack, there are aspects about being away from him for a time that I enjoy.  There are the people I work with at NAP who are wonderful, the children and families that I missed seeing on a regular basis, and now Jack gives me the beams with a broad smile when I nurse him over my lunch hour and when I come home in the evening. 

It has not been without its struggles. It is hard to wrap up at the end of the day and still have time enough to get home to see the baby and feed him.   There are still the call nights which keep me away from him for his last two hours of the day and his bedtime.  My second night on call since returning to work, my husband told me that Jack cried for an hour with "ma, ma, ma, ma ---"  before finally taking a bottle and falling asleep.  But overall, we are all adapting well together as a family and I wouldn't have it any other way.