Is a 6 month old too young to hold a grudge?

I am fortunate to work only 5 minutes from home and be able to almost always see my baby by 12:30 p.m. We spend an hour together, some of the time playing, some of the time talking, and some time nursing.  The last time I didn’t see him at lunch, I stayed at work due to a snowstorm and bad roads.  This was already a couple of months ago and he didn’t notice one way or the other. But like everything else in his life, there have been dramatic changes in his awareness and personality, such that it became clear that I hadn’t lived up to his expectations yesterday.

I had been bringing Jack to my weekly lunch meetings at work, but due to his increase in movement and noise, and my inability to nurse him with any kind of decorum (see last entry), I decided that this was going to have to come to an end.  Yesterday I left him at home with his nanny and asked that she give him a bottle instead of waiting for me to come home to nurse him.  He was fine all day with nanny, but when I arrived home at the end of the day, excited to receive the beaming smile that he always has waiting for me, but he wouldn’t even look me in the eye!  He looked right, he looked left, and he even looked upward to avoid my gaze.  He didn’t cry, he didn’t whine, he didn’t smile…it was as if I didn’t exist (except for the part where he refused to look in my general direction, so it was more like there was something disgusting that he couldn’t stand to look at).  He was glad to nurse before bed, but he was not going to play or have fun with me beforehand.

Sure, this stung a bit, but more than anything, it was amazing to experience this leap in his development. Never before had he even let on that there was any kind of expectation that he had of me.  Or more to the point, never had he been so clear that I had disappointed him.

I wonder  whether there is something hard-wired about grudge holding. This runs deep on my father’s side of the family, but in their case, it could just as easily be nurture rather than nature. My sister’s son (who is only 2 years old) held a grudge against his father for an entire weekend because he disciplined him (I think there was a time-out involved).  He averted his gaze and refused to respond when he was spoken to. He wouldn’t initiate conversation and he certainly wouldn’t serve him fake tea in little plastic eggshells that were a proxy for teacups (despite the fact that he had served everyone else in the room).  My brother-in-law was drained by the end of the weekend.  I’ve never seen my sister and her husband act this way towards each other, so I am not sure where my nephew has come up with particular strategy.  We’ll see where little Jack goes with it.  Like anything else, I hope he adapts to this new part of his routine with an occasional day without seeing me for our lunch date.