It was one of those days

I knew that Jack was going to have a cranky day, because he woke up too early and took only a short morning nap.  Sleep deprivation usually makes him clingy and whiney, but nothing I can’t handle.  He must be at a new developmental phase, however, since today he took his moodiness to a new level. I am not sure if he is frustrated with the new gates that we installed, but we started the day with him spitting his food back out at me at breakfast and then screaming because I wasn’t feeding him.  He knocked the spoon out of my hand with the speed of a ninja (normally he grabs for the spoon to try to feed himself, and this can be a fun game, which is fine, but the swatting was different), and then to top it all off, I leaned in to kiss him and he smacked me in the face.  And as I already mentioned, his nap was suboptimal, so his behavior didn’t improve afterwards.

Days like this make it difficult to step back and realize that this isn’t personal.  I felt hurt and defeated, as if nothing I could do as his mother, the most important person in his life, would bring him happiness.  All the weight of the pregnancy and pain of the delivery, not to mention the pain of breastfeeding, the blocked ducts, the engorgement, etc. all came back to me. How could this little *guy* (insert alternative descriptors as desired) be so ungrateful?!

The truth is, however, that he is a very nice and gentle baby fundamentally, and keeping this knowledge at the forefront of my mind is an invaluable guide to how to respond to these behaviors. It is the lens through which I can interpret his behavior.  The smacks and swats are more extreme versions of the play that he had already been experimenting with.  It is not violence, because he has no intention to harm.  He isn’t yet able to fully modulate the speed and strength of his touch.

Sometimes it pays to take a deep breath and be grateful for the big picture: that he is healthy, his bedtime is not far off, and tomorrow is a new day.