Jack and I are friends again
Sometimes a parent and child need to compromise.
I am in love with my son again. I was worried that he had entered some kind of a "terrible twos" phase before he had even hit 10 months old, but his annoying behaviors (hitting, grabbing and vocalizing in the most demanding way) almost disappeared once I figured out the source of the problem. In an effort to make our home safe, I had created a situation that heightened his separation anxiety by putting up three gates. Sometimes a parent and child need to come to a compromise.
Jack cried whenever I crossed into the kitchen and left him (even for 30 seconds) in the family room. He furiously crawled to the gate, pulled himself to a stand, and chewed on the edge and moaned, as if her were just locked away for a life sentence, never to see his mommy again. It was a sad sight. From my point of view, I needed to keep him from the drawers in the kitchen that had unsafe items (his favorite things to get in to!) while I grabbed a drink, started a load of laundry, etc. [On a side note, the drawer latches have been useless. He pulls hard enough on the drawer handles to open them anyway, breaking through the latch]. I never stepped away for long, but from his perspective, he no longer was capable of controlling his connection to me. He loves to crawl off and explore on his own, but with the knowledge that he can return at any time. I had taken away this capability, one that is necessary for maintaining a sense of security while forging his independence.
It took two days of his yelling at me for me to realize that this wasn't a behavioral phase that would pass, but rather, an unworkable environment that undermined his security. Our compromise is that I left the gate on the stairs and I kept him out of the dining room (where we just haven't gotten it together well enough to keep things child-safe). But he still has access to the kitchen, and I have brought in more toys to keep him distracted enough to keep away from the drawers that are for parents only.
I was so glad to find that this simple act of taking down one gate allowed him to feel safe again. He is happy to play alone in the family room for stretches of time while I am in the next room as long as he knows that he isn't prevented from coming to me when needed. He still likes to smack me in the face, but it isn't quite so forceful.
